An Open Letter to My Dad on His 77th Birthday
Dad—
Today is Mother’s Day. It’s also your birthday. It’s a big day, one full of celebration and reflection. The kids are downstairs bickering after their baths, Raz is making lunch, and we’re preparing to have the grandmothers over for dinner. We’ll celebrate you with ice cream, too.
In the past year, I’ve watched some of my closest friends say goodbye to their parents, parents I knew, too. I’ve been able to stand beside them at gravesites and in their childhood backyards. One of the gifts you gave me by being one of the first is the ability to hold space for them. They don’t have to suck it up or try to entertain me. They tell me what happened, I show up, we talk about how amazing their person was, how to access them and talk to them now that they’re no longer physically present, and they get to be as messy as they need to be.
It’s a strange gift, but it helps, and I am glad for that. It’s strange to consider how the life I have wouldn’t exist if you were here.
I’ve made quite a few decisions in the last year that have allowed me to fully sink into myself, to own who I am and how I care to show up. I’ve simplified and grown. You’re sending me all the eagles, so I know you see that, too.
And I know you’re proud because I’ve realized (and I tell my friends whose wounds are bloodier, still gushing even) that all you want—all you ever wanted—is for me to make the best decisions for me, not whatever decision I think you’d want me to make. The pride comes from me living my truths fully, not couching them based on assumptions.
I am strong, I am feeling my feelings, I am showing up for my friends and my family and my work. I’m going to Idaho to make sure everything there feels positive (huge strides there, honestly). I am being (mostly) nice to mom :)
I am doing right by you because I’m doing right by me.
And those grandkids? They’re turning into the best humans I know, but I bet you know that, too.
I love you. I miss you. Always. Every day. Today espeically.
Happy birthday,
Bud
