An Open Letter to My Dad on His 67th Birthday

Tuesday, May 10, 2016


I visited you a few weeks ago and I had a hard time believing that it's been almost four years. It really doesn't feel like it's been that long at all. It made me kind of mad, honestly. I sat there in front of you watching this lady let her dog run wild through the cemetery and thinking Lady, have a little respect. Also, Sunset August 2012? That can't be right. 

As you know, in that time, everything has changed. We have a whole new family, and they're really, really great. We got lucky. We have embraced a life of adventure because we know our time here is short. You taught us that. We eat more ice cream. We don't eat spaghetti. For various reasons.

Most importantly, we are together and we are committed to being together as much as we can, even though we exhaust each other sometimes. 

Today, on your 67th birthday, we are in California. Grandma and Papa ditched us this weekend to go to Carson's graduation at WSU (Go Cougs!), so we'll bother you and them later. I found us some super cool ice cream options and am making mom take us to the beach. 

There's a lot in flux right now. It might be, as a moon goddess told me once, another "foundational year." Help me build it right, will ya? What's the point of a guardian angel if I don't put you to work up there pulling strings? I'm trying to keep my anxiety about how it will all work out at bay. I'm trying to play it cool. I don't know how well I'm doing. 

I hope however you choose to spend your birthday today—on a boat, on a horse, on a motorcycle, cruising down the highway with your top off—you know how intensely you are loved and thought of every day. 

Raz will be excitedly using your barbecue tools all summer. He was thrilled at how clean they were when he found them recently. I wasn't surprised. You are both extremely anal retentive, in the best ways, of course. He and I might be driving your Z3 home from California this summer, up the 1 just like you might have done if circumstances were different. I'll be looking for you along the way, and I know you'll be looking for us, too. 

Love you, Kouk. We'll cheers our ice cream to you today. 

Until we meet,

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